My Stories

Submission in Marriage

2011-03-27T05:36:00.002-05:00

I was chatting with a group of ladies on the issue of a woman's submissiveness in the institution of marriage. Below are some of the comments I made:

If a woman doesn't get this right before entering the marriage, e go hard o... My Dad always told me to be sure of the mate I would be settling with because by agreeing to make a man my husband, I was indirectly telling God to appoint the man as my leader, to become my father, brother, etc... So I had better make sure the man is worthy of that role, and my submission, before making the plunge.Once one makes the commitment, the submission becomes a requirement o... My understanding of submission is acknowledging who has the final say / word... A woman submitting to her husband means, in the event she is not able to convince her husby / man of an alternate course of action, she has to agree with the course he chooses.Which is where trust comes in... It's almost impossible to submissive, if you don't trust the person you're submitting to. But in being submissive, you still have a voice, you still have to make contributions. We are submissive to our bosses @ work on a daily - we make our contributions, he / she (boss) may roll with it or not, we no go vex na... We'll go ahead and implement whatever their final decision is, and maybe learn a thing or 2 from that. If we can give that to our bosses each day, our husbands deserve no less... We are not / should not be in competition with them... Let's do our bit, and we will very likely get the reward. God has tipped the balance so, anyone got an issue with that should take it up with Him :).

Harsh Evaluations

2011-02-02T01:55:00.005-05:00

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or appraisal - just remember it could be worse.

The quotes below are supposedly from the USA Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluation Records; enjoy.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him some time."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a singpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

!!!OUCH!!!

Gifts: Form vs Substance

2010-06-04T17:55:00.003-05:00

"The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift." -- Pierre Corneille (1606-1684) French Playwright

Attitude

2010-06-04T17:55:00.001-05:00

"Some people say I have attitude - maybe I do. But I think you have to. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does - that makes you a winner right there." -- Venus Williams US tennis champion

Economic Crisis

2010-04-07T17:21:00.001-05:00

A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month the global market crises has affected me, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Your loving husband, B

His wife replied...

Sweetheart Dearest,

Thanks for the 100 kisses, below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect us only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the*//*rent

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items hope you understand.

5. Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance... Shall I plan the same for next month? Please Advice!!!

Your Sweet Heart,

HOME INTERNAL MEMO

2010-04-07T16:49:00.001-05:00

FROM : FATHER

TO : ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES

CC : MOTHER

Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietician's report.

4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the house.

9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the house, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town head
, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

Signed: DAD

Chairman of Home Affairs

{ Thanks Fati J }

Dreams

2010-03-07T10:00:00.001-05:00

"A lot of dreams don't come true in life. If you can make somebody's dream come true, you should." -- Jameer Nelson

Being Thankful

2010-02-20T05:07:00.001-05:00

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives. " -- Dan Zadra

Associates and Associations

2010-01-21T01:12:00.001-05:00

"The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke, your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you. Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere." -- Colin Powell

Persistence, Excellence

2010-01-10T09:08:00.001-05:00

"Persistence is the twin sister of Excellence. One is a matter of quality, the other a matter of time." -- Marahel Morgan, US authour of self-help books

Character

2010-01-10T09:07:00.001-05:00

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that's right to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught." -- JC Watts, African-American football player and politician; born 1957

Real Service

2010-01-05T05:20:00.001-05:00

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. -- Donald A. Adams

Class

2009-12-31T15:02:00.001-05:00

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared.

It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life.

-- Ann Landers, born 1918

reBlog from column.loomnie.com: Anthropologically Speaking

2009-12-30T06:37:00.001-05:00

I found this fascinating quote today:

My friend pointed out that this was due to a very important element of the Yoruba traditional religious system, something that Yoruba people have managed to carry on to when they adopted Christianity and Islam. In the Yoruba traditional religious system, one could have each member of the same family worshipping a different god, without any person persecuting, or even trying to convert another. That, my friend said, was a great indication of tolerance. It, my friend continued, informed why the man we met at the bank still gave presents to the members of his family who were still Muslims, during an Islamic ceremony.column.loomnie.com, Anthropologically Speaking, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.

Understanding

2009-12-14T08:36:00.001-05:00

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary (sustenance) depends on his not understanding it." -- Upton Sinclair

ISÉ NI ÒÒGÙN ÌSÉ (Work is the antidote for poverty)

2009-10-15T15:49:00.001-05:00

(I'm not the original author, received via email from a friend)

MÚRA SÍ ISÉ RE ÒRÉÈ MI....Work hard, my friend

ISÉ NI A FI Í DI ENI GIGA....work is used to elevate one in respect and importance (Aspiring to higher heights is fully dependent on hard work)

BÍ A KÒ BÁ RÉNI FÈYÌN TÌ, BÍ ÒLE LÀ Á RÍ....if we do not have anyone to lean on, we appear indolent

BÍ A KO RÉNI GBÉKÈLÉ, À A TERA MÓ ISÉ ENI....if we do not have anyone to trust (we can depend on...), we simply work harder

ÌYÁ RE LÈ LÓWÓ LÓWÓ, BÀBÁ SÌ LÈ LÉSIN LÉÈKÀN....your mother may be wealthy, your father may have a ranch full of horses
BÍ O BÁ GBÓJÚ LÉ WON, O TÉ TÁN NI MO SO FÚN O....if you depend on their riches alone, you may end up in disgrace, I tell you

OHUN TÍ A KÒ BA JÌYÀ FÚN, KÌ Í LÈ TÓJÓ....whatever gain one does not work hard to earn usually does not last
OHUN TÍ A BÁ FARA SISÉ FÚN, NÍ Í PÉ LÓWÓ ENI....whatever gain one works hard to earn is the one that lasts in one's hands (while in ones possession)

APÁ LARÁ, ÌGÙNPÁ NÌYEKAN....the arm is a relative, the elbow is a sibling

BÍ AYÉ N FÉ O LÓNÌÍ. BÍ O BÁ LÓWÓ LÓWÓ NI WON Á MÁA FÉ O LÓLA....you may be loved by all today. it is when you have money that they will love you tomorrow
TÀBÍ TÍ O BÁ WÀ NÍ IPÒ , AYÉ Á YÉ O SÍ TÈRÍN-TÈRÍN....or when you are in a high position, all will honor you with cheers and smiles
JÉ KÍ O DI ENI N RÁÁGÓ KÍ O RÍ BÁYÉ TI Í SÍMÚ SÍ O....wait till you become poor or are struggling to get by and you will see how all grimace at you as they pass you by

ÈKÓ SÌ TÚN N SONI Í DÒGÁ; MÚRA KÍ O KÓ O DÁRADÁRA....education also elevates one in position; work hard to acquire good education
BÍ O SÌ RÍ ÒPÒ ÈNÌYÀN TÍ WÓN N FI ÈKÓ SE ÈRÍN RÍN, DÁKUN MÁ SE FARA WÉ WON - ÌYÀ N BÒ FÓMO TÍ KÒ GBÓN....and if you see a lot of people making education a laughing stock, please do not emulate or keep their company - suffering is lying in wait for an unserious kid

EKÚN N BE FÓMO TÓ N SÁ KIR....sorrow is in the reserve for a truant kid
MÁ FÒWÚRÒ SERÉ, ÒRÉÈ MI, MÚRA SÍSÉ, OJÓ N LO....do not play with your early years, my friend, work harder, time and tide wait for no one

Courage

2009-09-25T23:51:00.001-05:00

"Courage is the greatest of all the virtues. Because if you haven't courage, you may not have an opportunity to use any of the others." -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English Author

ÌGBÁ'TÍ ÉRE (for my Yoruba peops :-)

2009-09-10T04:23:00.004-05:00

(Received this and couldn't help telling it again :-)

Ni ojo kan , Baba Dare mu ere wa s'ile. Ere yi se pataki nitoriwipe o mo bi enia ba n pa'ro a si gba oluware l'eti.

Dare pada l'ati ile iwe, baba re si bere l'owo re idi t'o fi pe l'ati de'le.

Kaka ki o so otito, o ni awon nse'se asekun ni ile iwe ni.

Lai fi akoko s'ofo, ere yi gba Dare l'eti.

Baba re ran l'eti wipe ere yi se pataki o si mo bi enia ba n pa'ro a si gba onitohun l'eti.

Baba Dare: "Oya, so otito idi t'o fi pe de'le."

Dare: "Ba'mi, mo lo wo sinima ni."

Baba Dare: "Sinima wo?"

Dare: "Ofin mewa."

Lesekanna, Dare gba igba'ti oloyi.

Dare: "E da'rijimi ba'mi, mo lo wo sinima ibasepo aya oba."

Baba Dare: "O ye k'oju ti e iwo omo mi. N'igba ti mo wa ni ojo ori re emi o se awon nkan palapala wonyi".

L'oju ese, Baba Dare gba igba'ti l'owo ere.

Bi iya Dare ti gbo ohun ti oko re so, o jade wa l'ati ile ida'na, o si dahun pelu egan wipe, "sebi omo re ni Dare!!!!"

L'esekanna, ere yi sunmo iya Dare osi fun ni igbati oloyi.

Do Good Today

2009-09-05T23:59:00.001-05:00

"The cynics will tell you that the good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. I'm telling you, do it anyway." -- Roberto C. Goizueta

True Leadership

2009-08-13T08:27:00.001-05:00

"A true leader is firm and fair, not subject to flattery, not subject to intimidation." -- MJ

Life Style or Lip Service?

2009-07-26T23:58:00.001-05:00

"You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips." -- Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774) Irish Writer

What is Power?

2009-06-02T00:17:00.001-05:00

Power is the ability to do good things for others. -- Brooke Astor

Be Thankful

2009-05-17T02:46:00.001-05:00

I am thankful...

For the parking spot I find at the end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means that I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off early in the morning hours because it means I am still alive!

Source: Anonymous J

Justice Defined

2009-05-11T06:01:00.001-05:00

The law is not the private property of lawyers, nor is justice the exclusive province of judges and juries. In the final analysis, true justice is not a matter of courts and law books, but of a commitment in each of us to liberty and mutual respect. -- culled from a legal publication.

Good Character

2009-05-04T04:23:00.001-05:00

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character by contrast is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece – by thought, choice, courage, and determination. -- H. Jackson Brown

Self-Discipline

2009-05-01T07:56:00.001-05:00

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. -- Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907 - 1972)

Who Is Your Master?

2009-04-18T04:56:00.001-05:00

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him. -- Epictetus (55-135 AD) Greek Philosopher

I’ve Learned...

2009-03-12T15:49:00.001-05:00

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that you should not be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about the most in life are usually taken from you too soon.

Excellence is a Habit

2009-02-11T03:25:00.001-05:00

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

-- Aristotle

A Call to Action for Each and Every One of Us

2009-01-30T06:53:00.001-05:00

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

-- Culled from President Barack Obama's Inaugural Address on Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Courtesy

2008-12-26T13:46:00.001-05:00

"Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much." -- Erastus Wiman

Investment vs Aid

2008-12-04T02:01:00.001-05:00

"Time and money spent in helping men do more for themselves is far better than mere giving." -- Henry Ford (1863-1947) American Industrialist

The Power of Tiny Steps

2008-12-03T14:41:00.001-05:00

"The world is moved not only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker." -- Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer

Start With the Man/Woman in the Mirror

2008-11-06T00:48:00.001-05:00

"Be the change you want to see in the world." -- Mahatma Ghandi

True Wealth

2008-11-03T13:31:00.001-05:00

The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. -- Bernard Meltzer (1914-) American Law Professor

Transition

2008-10-17T12:17:00.002-05:00

Reader Beware: this is my first real post in almost 2 years... It will be long... And will cover too many "topics", but I'll still try to keep it concise :-).

Such a simple word, but with a myriad of meanings, depending on who you ask and the situation of reference. I have had a number of transitions during my relatively short lifetime:

from toddler to school-going pupil (to be honest, I can't remember that one :-).
from being a day primary school pupil in the middle belt city of Ilorin (i.e. living with my parents and making the trip to and from school daily) to being a boarding junior secondary school student in the northern city of Zaria, interestingly the city where I spent the first six years of my life. Being a "boarder" meant that I made the trip to and from school once a term – the trip to school at the beginning of the term, and the trip back home at the end of the term.
then to becoming a boarding senior secondary school student in the "empty" southwestern city of Igbokuta, a nook of the commercial capital metropolis of Lagos, where I was the black malo babe who sounded funny, lol! Igbokuta is a mountainous forest area, and in my school, we had hunters for security.
next was to embark on the gruelling and intensive 9-month Cambridge GCE A-Level program, which enabled me gain direct-entry admission into an undergraduate program in one of Nigeria's "prestigious" universities, and the true test of my understanding of what life should be all about.
my gradual transition into the world of the grown-ups (the end of enjoyment, if only I knew :-|) started with a 3-month assignment with UBA's IT group, a 6-month assignment with Infographics, and culminated with my full-time entry into KPMG Professional Services... oh, how grown up I felt :-).
the next major transition was the decision by my sweetheart and I to uproot ourselves from our beloved motherland to head for "God's own country" in search of further education, work experience, and adventure, all with the promise to return before the end of the decade.
four and a half years later, three and a half for him, that promise has been fulfilled, and we are back, back to where it all started, back to the society that shaped us into who we are and enabled us to go shine all the way across the Atlantic, as we continued to grow and improve.
the next scheduled transition is for the Man and I to take our 10+yr journey into its next phase of him being the olowo ori mi :-)... we thank God for His many mercies in our lives, both big and small, and pray that He keeps us all beyond that very special date.

I have not enumerated the smaller transitions that are embedded in each of those listed. With each of these transitions came lots of joys and sorrow as I learnt from the school of life that built on the solid upbringing I had received from home. I have learnt to sift the wheat from the shaft when it comes to human beings and made friends that have proven themselves reliable and consistent in spite of the distance and separations. I have learnt from every achievement, forced myself to get up from every blunder, been consistently humbled by fate, and have refused to give up on pushing myself harder, as I keep reminding myself that nothing good comes easy. I have learnt to shed my tears in private, celebrate my successes in public, and consistently put up a brave face (front) to the rest of the world so they can make way for me :-). To everyone I have come across during my various transitions through the journey of life, I say a big thank you, because each and every one of you, in one way or the other, has contributed towards making me the human being that I am now.

Transitions are never easy, and determination is the constant driver of how successful a transition would be, and of course God's grace. Change, no matter how sweet it may appear, requires one going out of the comfort zone and stepping into "alien" territory. The amount of preparation that has been made towards the anticipation of making that transition also helps a whole lot.

Enough of the preamble... let me dig into my latest transition. I will devote different posts towards the other transitions as my memory allows :-).

Adekalu ("the Man" :-) and I, after a series of discussions, deliberations and analysis involving decision trees and matrices (too much book, I know :-) made the decision at the end of March 2008 that the middle of July 2008 was a good time as any for us to return to our motherland as our mission to ilu oke had been fulfilled. The harbinger of the need to make this decision was because, in addition to the fact that we had originally planned that our one-way ticket out of Nigeria was indeed just one leg of a long-term return ticket, and we had by the grace of the Almighty checked off all the items we had on our list when we made the outbound trip, we had reached the point where we realised, and the Man very well articulated, that even though we were in the US of America, we were not willing to ditch our "Nigerianness" and behave like the Americans. So, instead of continuing to lament about how the Americans were very un-Nigerian (imagine o, those people dey their own jejeli and we wan go cause katakata), we decided we should accelerate our plans and return to the land of our ancestors to be in the midst of our people who share our values (of course, this is the system that made us who we are), at least for the most part.

Even as we were excited about this new decision, and the anticipation that comes with every chosen transition, we knew it would not be easy. Re-assimilation and re-integration requires a lot of conscious effort and care to be successful. It requires managing ones expectations as well as the expectations of others. It requires a healthy dose of humility, as well as a lot of work to acquire and retain the support of subordinates, peers, and superiors who have not had the opportunity one has been privileged with. It also requires the management of one's behaviour so as not to come across as pompous and arrogant as every action would be viewed through the lens of "it's because she just came back... who does she think she is?" We started making lists of things we would miss about the temporary home we had made, and of course the things we would not miss. Some of the things that made the list of things we would miss are:

consistent electric power
sane driving conditions
alternative options for transportation
security
being able to enjoy nature – parks, boat rides, etc

The list of things we decided we would not miss include:

"huh"... that annoying response when an American does not understand what you're saying... well not to generalise, but it is a majority
their individualistic style of living
the feeling that one is not truly accepted into their fold, no matter how hard you try
the lack of genuineness– for those who know, it is best exemplified by those smiles that do not go beyond the lips, and how everything is "awesome"
having the bulk of friends and family separated from us by a teeming ocean!

Reactions to our decision have spanned the spectrum of "what?! why??? are you ok? what are you thinking? dem chase you ni? is something wrong with your visa??" to "you are so brave! I wish I could do the same. I wish more of you would do the same. way to go... the country needs more like you." Then began the job search process... oh my! HR! The thought of dealing with any of that species makes me shudder... wonder if the HR Reps of various companies get together to simply make the recruitment process difficult and annoy applicants. If you work in HR, I would like to "hear" your comments... maybe we've only been "fortunate" so far to meet the bad eggs :-|. I was too tired, after working like a dog the last 4.5yrs, to even think of working again, not to talk of deciding what type of job I would be interested in, to actually searching for that job. So I poured all my energy into supporting the Man's job search :-), as we know who would be paying rent :-). The Man finally got hooked up with a new job suitor (www.notore.com) the month before our planned departure... we could breathe more easily and look forward to making the journey. Up till D-Day, we still questioned this decision of ours, wondering if we were not making a mistake. Each time we questioned, each time our reflection told us we were on the right path.

So, we've been back for exactly 3 months today... it has been very interesting :-). We've had to make the usual decisions the most important of which was "where to live" – lots of factors went into make that decision: traffic, security, utilities, the usual suspects that would usually come at a price, and we decided that traffic was the most important, and luckily the final choice came with decent security. No luck with utilities. Luckily the house search didn't take too long, thanks to the power of networks, which thankfully we still have.

There are lots of mini stories I can't go into detail with in this post: from my first brush with LASTMA (yes o, and it wasn't the last :-|), to my first brush with the "owners" of the Lagos roads (awon omo onile), to resuming my status as a mad Lagos driver (God bless the engineers that developed the automatic transmission, power steering, and hydraulics systems :-) - I am now an expert on timing Lagos traffic, i.e. what streets/parts of town are safe to venture on to at different times of the day, all in a bid to escape getting caught in what could be a crippling traffic situation; however, even with all my "intelligence," I still get caught in a jam every now and again, which maybe slow, but is making progress. To the multiple reunions :-). To my experience with the improvements that have been made in various facets of the polity, to the things I observe as having not changed, to the things that have even gotten worse. We are still a society where appearance for the most part begets respect – I've learnt how to demand that respect in spite of my appearance – although the tone of my voice doesn't really help :-|.

On the home front, it has required a TON of humility to be able to return under my father's roof, which is run like a VERY tight ship, after spending over 5yrs in my own space, obeying my own rules, and working according to my own clock. As a consequence, I have observed that good behaviour and giving respect and regard to whom it's due regardless of how we perceive the fairness of their actions towards us, especially parents, has its huge rewards. As much as I wish I could do things my way, I am benefitting tremendously from the regimen and barrage of advice as I head towards setting up a home of my own. No one tells you the truth like it is like family members can – forcing me to acknowledge my true strengths and weaknesses, and helping remove any illusions about who I truly am. My reintegration has been accelerated as I help out with errands, and this time has also given my family the opportunity to see how much I have imbibed those lessons we fought about when I was younger, and they are now very comfortable with the fact that their job is done and they can confidently see me off on to my next life-long adventure.

This particular transition has been a lot more fun than pain... which has made it a success so far :-). There will still be a number of firsts as we go through different experiences. I hope to be able to put future posts about specific stories about the re-acclimatisation experience. Do I miss the USA? Not really... I had no solid attachment to that land in the first place. I miss some of the experiences, but nothing I miss is trumped by what I have gained by being back home. For good or bad, 9ja is home, and a Nigerian is who I am, and I believe I am fully ready for all the adventures it promises to bring my way.

Glossary:

Malo: derogatory description by southerners of someone from the northern part of the country.

Direct-entry: a process where an undergraduate gets admitted directly into the 2^nd year of university due to some advanced post-secondary school qualification like the GCE A-Levels Certificate or a Diploma.

Olowo ori mi: the one who paid my bride price

Ilu oke: uptown

Jejeli: peacefully

Katakata: trouble

Awon omo onile: the "true" children of the soil

Perseverence

2008-10-01T19:13:00.002-05:00

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. -- Longfellow

Individuality

2008-10-01T19:13:00.001-05:00

All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You've got to find it on your own terms. -- Harrison Ford (1942-) American Actor

Compromise

2008-10-01T19:10:00.001-05:00

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. -- Sherry Rothfield

Self-Respect

2008-07-12T00:37:00.000-05:00

"Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself." -- Abraham Joshua Heschel 1907-1972

Judging True Character

2008-05-23T09:24:00.001-05:00

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those
who can do nothing for them or to them. -- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990) American Publisher

Failing vs. Failure

2008-02-24T19:50:00.001-05:00

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame someone else. -- John Burroughs

At the end of the day...

2008-01-26T11:08:00.000-05:00

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. - Michael Pritchard

Different Levels

2008-01-26T11:04:00.000-05:00

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. - Neil Gaiman

Courage

2007-10-28T16:17:00.002-05:00

Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.

-- Mary Tyler Moore (1937-) American Actress

Circumstances...

2007-09-30T21:49:00.001-05:00

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright

Do not wait for leaders...

2007-08-14T04:36:00.001-05:00

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. -- Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian Missionary

Beginning of a New Era...

2007-05-30T07:33:00.000-05:00

Yay!!! A new era begins in the Nigerian polity... Will the next 4/8 years be any different from the last 8 years? I believe so. I have reproduced the last paragraph of Yar'Adua's inaugural speech below, and it speaks to what I've always said - it can no longer be business as usual! May the good Lord grant him and all the other individuals who have been handed the mantle to represent our interests at the national, state, local and senatorial levels the wisdom and courage to do what is necessary to ensure that we get our systems and institutions to where they should be, and may the citizens have the courage to stand up and make a clear promise (not threat) to these people that anyone who misbehaves will face the consequences - they should go talk to the Alamieyeseighas and the Dariyes, and all the others who will be forced to follow suit sooner than later.

Please read on, and if you are a Nigerian, add these words to your personal mantra. And always remember "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?"

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I will set a worthy personal example as your president. No matter what obstacles confront us, I have confidence and faith in our ability to overcome them. After all, we are Nigerians! We are a resourceful and enterprising people, and we have it within us to make our country a better place.

To that end I offer myself as a servant-leader. I will be a listener and doer, and serve with humility. To fulfill our ambitions, all our leaders at all levels whether a local government councilor or state governor, senator or cabinet minister must change our style and our attitude. We must act at all times with humility, courage, and forthrightness.

I ask you, fellow citizens, to join me in rebuilding our Nigerian family, one that defines the success of one by the happiness of many.

I ask you to set aside negative attitudes, and concentrate all our energies on getting to our common destination. All hands must be on deck.

Let us join together to ease the pains of today while working for the gains of tomorrow.

Let us set aside cynicism and strive for the good society that we know is within our reach.

Let us discard the habit of low expectations of ourselves as well as of our leaders.

Let us stop justifying every shortcoming with that unacceptable phrase 'the Nigerian Factor' as if to be a Nigerian is to settle for less.

Let us recapture the mood of optimism that defined us at the dawn of independence, that legendary can-do spirit that marked our Nigerianess.

Let us join together, now, to build a society worthy of our children.

We have the talent. We have the intelligence. We have the ability. The challenge is great. The goal is clear. The time is now.

How To Judge Character...

2007-05-21T17:24:00.000-05:00

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them. -- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990) American Publisher

Ask Not What Your Government Can Do For You...

2007-05-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

Remember this quote from President John F. Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country"? I came across an article in a magazine yesterday about how a group of friends have committed themselves to transforming those wise words into reality.

Three hometown guys pooled their life savings to buy a cargo boat and scoop up trash from Florida's waterways because they realized that the local governments don't take responsibility for that. The website of the nonprofit organization they formed just for that purpose is http://greenarmada.org, and I have copied below their story from the web site.

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The Green Armada Foundation was born in the beautiful beaches and waterways of Tampa Bay, Florida. We are lifelong residents that grew up in and on the waters of the Florida coast. Frankly, we’ve had it with the tons of trash collecting along the coast. Rather that just complain about it we’ve come up with a solution that meets our objectives.

We don’t want to depend or wait on governmental resources to fix the problem.
We’re not here as politicians or scientists. We’re citizens making our community a better, cleaner place to live.
We believe that businesses are genuinely concerned about the appearance of the community and will help sponsor cleanup.
We know for certain that there are many ordinary people out there who really care and will pitch in to make a difference.

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So what am I driving at here? Like these amazing individuals have rightly noted, it is the ordinary people who truly make a difference! We can b**tch and complain about how the government is not performing and acting right, but until we get off our lackadaisical behinds and do the little that we can do, we really shouldn't expect miracles.

As usual, any comments and questions are very welcome. In fact, it's a request - please share your thoughts :).

Noble vs. Inferior

2007-05-19T22:18:00.000-05:00

The nobler sort of man emphasizes the good qualities in others, and does not accentuate the bad. The inferior does the reverse. -- Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese Philosopher

The Season of Reason: Time to Move Forward

2007-05-16T20:34:00.000-05:00

I have not made any comments about the recent governorship and presidential elections in my dear country Nigeria, and I had no plans to, until I came across this article in the May 11, 2007 edition of the Nigeria2day Online newsletter. Mr. Adejumo captured my thoughts about the whole situation so well that I had to share his article.

It's a long one, but please take your time and read this to the end. And as usual, all comments, thoughts and questions are welcome.

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Akintokunbo A Adejumo, London, United Kingdom

"The rule of the many by the few, we call tyranny. The rule of the few by the many (democracy) is tyranny also, only of a less intense kind" - Herbert Spencer

"In a dictatorship you must pay attention to what you say. In a democracy you can say what you want... the most important thing is that you do not try to demonstrate I" - Dario de Judicibus

"Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be" - Sydney J. Harris

"Democracy is a very admirable form of government — for dogs" - Edgar Allan Poe

"Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates" - Llewellyn H. Rockwell, Jr.

The Nigerian General Elections 2007 has come and gone, but the effects are still reverberating all across the country, and indeed, around the world. Writers of diverse opinions have written about the fairness or unfairness, freeness or otherwise of the exercise. Some have labelled it as an exercise in futility, and probably rightly so. Prophets of doom, who had been predicting the disintegration of the country, are a bit quiet, though still disgruntled. Winners are already planning their strategies, some of them on how to loot the treasury, some of them with good intentions for their country and their states. The important thing is that the election held, contrary to the fears of patriotic Nigerians and the propaganda of the protagonists of the current administration – a partial victory for democracy and Nigeria.

With only a few days to the handover to new governments, we are still hearing belligerent and disgruntled voices threatening brimstone and fire, some very unpatriotic elements calling for the elections to be annulled and then either we have a new elections or to install an Interim National Government at the Federal level. (Why don’t we have interim governments in every states of the federation too?) I must admit that when reports of the conduct and results of the elections were coming in, I was very disappointed, bitter and inclined to blame everything on Obasanjo and Maurice Iwu and whoever I think is associated with the conduct of this flawed elections. However, I decided that I should not jump to conclusions such as many writers and opinion leaders are. This was a time for review, reflection, analysis and cool heads. I must not jump on the bandwagon of people who do not criticise constructively or who fail to be positive or who will not compromise because of their biases and alternate agenda. I take a very dim view of such approach.

Nothing can be more asinine than calls for another election or an interim government or indeed, those calling for Yar’Adua to relinquish his mandate, echoed by respected personalities and several previously unknown groups, e.g. a group calling itself Alliance for Credible Elections. However we know that those calling for these completely useless and regressive exercises have their agenda, which in most cases are not in tune with those of the generality of Nigerians. I can understand calls for a rerun of elections in certain states, but not at the national level. Again let it be known that I am not a card-carrying member of any political party in Nigeria, although I do support any party as the circumstances dictate. For example, I am inclined to like ANPP in my home state of Oyo, while I would have loved AC to win in Ekiti, Edo, Osun, Ogun, Ondo and Delta States and happy for AC to grab Lagos State, and comfortable with the PDP winning in Adamawa, Cross River and at the Federal level. All I desire are the best and committed, sincere and honest people to rule Nigeria. I am not partisan in the least. In fact, as I have written before, none of the Nigerian political parties meet the ideological and moral conditions required of political parties all over the world.

That the 2007 Elections were beset by massive rigging, electoral corruption and malpractice is no longer news, nor is it a strange phenomenon as some people will have us believe. But who and who rigged? Was it only the ruling PDP? Which of the political parties or individual politicians in that election did not rig or attempt to rig? Are you telling me that Orji Kalu’s PPA did not rig in Abia State or that Obanikoro’s PDP did not try to rig in Lagos State and yet lost? What were the roles of the opposition parties respectively in the rigged elections? Were Obasanjo and INEC Chairman, Maurice Iwu the only architects of the flawed elections? What roles did our people themselves have to play in this dangerous farce? Would we rather have a flawed election than no elections at all? Can we imagine if everybody had played into Obasanjo’s hands inadvertently and the elections had to be postponed or even called off indefinitely, thereby letting the President have his Third Term?

I am not a supporter of flawed and rigged elections in my country or in any democracy. I will never be. I also abhor corruption in any form, and this flawed election is corruption of the highest order, as indeed most past elections in Nigeria since independence. However, the fact that elections held is a show of commitment to the principles of democratic governance in Nigeria by the people of Nigeria. Even in established democracies all over the world, elections have never been perfect or a hundred percent without hitches and unfairness, not to talk about our nascent democracy, which is fraught with inconsistencies and imperfections. Again this is not an excuse, but rather the reality that we as human beings are not perfect. Therefore if Man is not perfect, why should we expect that all the things he does will be perfect? Why should Nigerians be any different? According to the laws of evolution, human beings evolved from the lowliest form of life, and we are still in those throes of evolutionary development.

What with the irresponsible utterances and damaging actions of several top politicians and notable, respected personalities prior to the elections, I had thought we would not even have the elections at all. Such unguarded utterances like "This is a do or die election for the PDP" from the President himself (though he later said he was quoted out of context); or the chest beating of the Vice President, Abubakar Atiku "No elections without me", "Nobody can ban me", "It is a fight to the finish" or other inane and insane phrases like "I am ready to go to prison" (Ngige) or "I am ready to die to get my mandate". With such irresponsible utterances, I was apprehensive that there won’t be any elections, since I do not know what firepower these people have and what they can do to disrupt the elections or totally terminate our democracy. But then, there we have it, there was an election as indeed Atiku’s name finally had to appear on the ballot papers.

I wonder what would have happened if the Supreme Court had not ordered that Atiku’s name be included in the ballot. Would there have been a civil war or anarchy of some sort or a coup-d’etat? Or would there not have been an election as threatened by the AC? In a previous article, I had actually prayed that Obasanjo and Nigerians should let Atiku run for the Presidency he so much coveted, and look what happened, he came a distant third. I am confident that rigging or no rigging, Atiku could not have won any elections in Nigeria. He even lost in his own ward in Adamawa State. So the Atiku Enigma has been finally laid to rest. If he wants to go the Electoral Tribunal, I wish him and his cohorts the best of luck. But he should not start shouting from the UK and the US, where he is now. I bet we won't see him in Nigeria before and after 29th May 2007. A lways an excuse to be out of the country when the heat is on.
As Akin Osuntokun, Political Adviser to the President stated "The fact that these elections took place at all is a plus for Nigeria. Yes it has fallen short of expectations but it is far from being the worst case scenario. With all its flaws these elections significantly at the national level has responded to three major concerns - which had tended to be obscured and minimized by the context of globalization within which the election has been judged and evaluated. First is the jinx of transfer of power from one elected civilian government to another. Second is the successful management of political cleavages and consolidation of North/South reciprocity on power-sharing. Third is the mitigation of the Niger Delta rebellion resulting from the integration of the region into the Presidential ticket in the choice of Dr Goodluck Jonathan as running mate to Alhaji Umaru Yar'Adua"

One of the problems, if I can call it a problem, that we have as a people is our innate inability to accept defeat graciously or to be magnanimous in victory. Nigerians are very poor political losers. Mind you, this unfortunate trait is not unique to Nigerians. It is a characteristic of under-developed nations of Africa and most parts of Asia, but like I always contend, I am not concerned about the rest of the world. My primary concern, at least for now, is that of my country, Nigeria. We have to pick the log in our own eyes before we pick the little bit of sawdust in other’s eyes. It does not matter how that election was conducted or the result called, there would still have been massive protests at the outcome. Even the no-hoper candidates got in on the act. Every party wanted to defeat the ruling PDP on their own, instead of unifying to fight a common enemy. Everybody had their own ego and wanted to flex muscles or place themselves into contentions for political largesse or positions. Most of our politicians have the "scorched earth" syndrome; "if I cant get there at all cost, then you must not get there too" or "if I cant have my way, then I will destroy everything so there wont be anything for you to get to too". Such is the attitude of negative, little men, the way of the shallow-thinking, corrupt politicians, bent on destruction, never progressive and always looking to cut corners to achieve insignificance couched in mediocrity.

Since the end of the elections, I have been trawling through numerous damning, vitriolic and negative reports and articles by supposedly concerned Nigerians, home and abroad. Some calling for new elections, some calling for Obasanjo’s and Iwu’s heads, some calling for interim governments and what not. One writer even cast aspersions on his fellow Nigerians, insulting them and calling them contemptible if they accept the election results. What does this writer want? Another war? And I thought to myself: are these people serious? Do they really have the interest of the country in mind or just looking after their own interests or answering to some faceless disgruntled politicians and stakeholders who are bent on not seeing Nigeria’s democracy survive because their interests are being jeopardised? After all said and done, while the "referees" of the USA, UK and EU and other external and internal election monitoring bodies all said the elections were flawed, they all still heaved a collective sigh of relief that the elections held and Nigeria did not descend into anarchy as previously predicted. They were quick to congratulate the President-elect.

Isn’t it instructive and notable that since the flawed elections, it is on record that more countries and multinational companies are now flooding to Nigeria to invest massively in the economy? Nigerian banks are now opening branches in Western countries and there is even greater trust and confidence in our economy than before the elections. The multinationals have not packed their bags and gone, and the Nigerian capital markets have not crashed, in fact it is growing stronger. They must know something that we don’t.

Here is what Nigeria2day Online published on 9th May 2007: "Foreign investors are mostly upbeat about opportunities in Nigeria despite political uncertainty generated by elections last month that were widely condemned as fraudulent, fund managers and bankers say. Outgoing President Olusegun Obasanjo, whose free-market reforms launched since 2003 have been popular with investors, is due to hand over on May 29 to Umaru Yar'Adua, who has said he will continue the reform process. Yar'Adua's election was deemed 'not credible' by international observers who reported widespread vote-rigging, but investors said the fact that there had been an election, no matter how flawed, was reassuring to them. 'The worst case scenario didn't happen. We didn't have anarchy. The market likes that,' said John Niepold, portfolio manager at U.S. investment firm Emerging Markets Management, which has more than $100 million in Nigerian equities."

Why do we always have to see and emphasise the negative aspects of our polity, country and democratic experiment? Why can’t we accept that at least, history is being made by one government actually conducting an election (flawed or not) and will subsequently hand over to another government, albeit the same political party and sometimes with the factor of the incumbent involved? Can we not see the bigger picture and get ready to make necessary changes to our democracy by the next elections in 2011? We must learn from mistakes – experience is the name men give to their mistakes, they say – and be ready to not to make the same mistakes in future.

Yes, no doubt about it, some unwanted and unsavoury politicians got themselves either back or forced themselves in, and this will always happen at every future election, but I think Nigerians have demonstrated that it will not be business as usual for them. Some outgoing governors are already planning their escapes after they lose their immunity, but the borders are being watched by the EFCC. Some of them have also installed mutants and puppets who they hope, will cover their arse, so to speak. So it is obvious that some wrong people got elected via rigging and some were retained in their posts via the same rigging. The elections was therefore by no means perfect, fair or free, as I have agreed. But is anarchy the alternative? No. Some of them might be in now, but may be chucked out by impeachments or the Hands of God. One thing for sure, Nigerians and God are watching them. It is no longer business as usual, as Obasanjo, Ribadu and our ever improving and impressive Judiciary have established, and we should continue to let that work in the favour of the downtrodden Nigerian masses. Our National Assembly have also shown over the past eight years that they are not a mere rubberstamp of the Presidency. That is our only hope. Anarchy will not work. As a matter of fact, we should be thankful that some of these dubious political nonentities did not manage to get through. That is one of the fallouts from flawed elections. Some idiots will get through but the majority of the idiots will not. Those idiots that did get through will be exposed for the charlatans and corrupt people that they are and we, the people, should be able to deal with them.

When politicians do not derive their power and position from the people, and instead force their way into governance through corrupt means, they do not last. Political power must be derived from the people, not from godfathers or via rigged elections. If such powers are not from the people, there is no power at all, only a vague, false sense of power. The common Nigerians on the streets do not need all these muscle-flexing and power-shows. What we need are sincere, honest, knowledgeable, committed and incorruptible leaders to look after us and give us the dividends of democracy and our natural resources. Political leaders who can harness all our resources, human and natural, to provide us with food and water, good healthcare, good roads and transportation, constant electricity, good education and healthcare for our children, a strong economy and a better quality of life. Not those who will milk us dry by stealing our money. Not a governor who will steal N23 billion of his state’s allocations to use it to contest for the Presidency of Nigeria, or others of his ilk.

Another positive aspect of this election is that from what I have been hearing, many Nigerians are now looking forward to the Presidency of the President-elect, Umar Yar’Adua in a different light. Most are positive and the general feeling is that the man may yet out-perform even Obasanjo. Indeed, I am also changing my previous views on him and I have a strong feeling he will surprise many sceptical Nigerians, God grant him good health, knowledge and strength to govern Nigeria. One thing most Nigerians seem to agree on is that he was the best choice from the 25-odd Presidential candidates and that rigged or no rigged elections, Yar’Adua would have won the Presidential elections anyway.

Yar’Adua has extended conciliatory hands to his beaten rivals (and even now several opposition politicians are now lobbying for positions in his government – this sums up the tragedy of the Nigerian opposition; it is always easily compromised, especially with financial gratification... it’s always difficult for them to sustain a fight.); he has promised electoral reform; he has promised to address more vigorously the problems of the Niger Delta and that of electricity; he has promised not to be vindictive; and he seems to be backed by a good and experienced team to help him govern. He must not answer to any sectional or religious interests, no matter how much pressured or tempted he is. The man deserves to be given all the support he needs by Nigerians, not to be undermined and distracted by pettiness and bitterness. Let us rally round him and if he disappoints after four years, we must make sure he and his party bears the consequences and feel the full fury of Nigerians.

Those who are bent on destroying democracy or trying to draw us back in Nigeria are those calling for interim national government or another election or asking Yar’Adua to relinquish his mandate. These clique of politicians are neither being practical nor facing the reality that democracy is here to stay. They are trying to stoke the fire of discontent amongst the people to advance their own selfish cause. They probably want to turn Nigeria into another Sudan, Congo or Iraq because they cannot have their way to steal from, and oppress Nigerians anymore. They are trying to re-invent the wheel. This is a season to reason. The 2007 election has come and gone. Let us move Nigeria forward. Let us help whoever is in power to move Nigeria forward. We must not encumber ourselves with unnecessary distractions. Let’s make the various governments work and if some do not want to make governance work, let’s dispose of them whichever way we want.

LONG LIVE NIGERIA.

Nigerian Oil - Curse of the Black Gold

2007-05-15T22:40:00.000-05:00

I came across this article in the National Geographic. Hopefully it provides us with a better understanding of the complicated dynamic that has resulted in the Niger Delta as we know it today. Please read (http://www7.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0702/feature3/), and as usual, comments will be appreciated.

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The Niger Delta holds some of the world's richest oil deposits, yet Nigerians living there are poorer than ever, violence is rampant, and the land and water are fouled. What went wrong?

Read the rest of the article: http://www7.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0702/feature3/

15 Excuses for Calling in Sick :)

2007-05-11T01:22:00.000-05:00

By Richard Castellini, Senior Career Adviser for CareerBuilder.com
(http://tinyurl.com/32obnt)

When you need a random day off of work, what do you do? Do you schedule a vacation day with your boss, or call in with some overblown cover story? And just how long does it take you to come up with that excuse? With one-in-four workers considering sick days equivalent to vacation time, it's no wonder workers are so crafty at calling in sick.

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CareerBuilder.com recently took a look at employees who call in sick with bogus excuses. Thirty-two percent of workers said they called in sick when they felt well at least once during the last year, down from 43 percent in the 2005 survey. This could be because some employers are evolving to a PTO (paid time off) system, which is a more flexible way for workers to take time off from work. But, workers should be mindful of company policies and their responsibilities as an employee.

The most popular motivator for missing work: good, old-fashioned R&R. Almost half of workers said they needed to relax, while 24 percent wanted to catch up on sleep. Other top reasons included running personal errands (20 percent), doctor's appointments (17 percent), plans with family and friends (16 percent) and housework (16 percent).

Some employers said they typically don't question excuses given, but others were more skeptical. Almost half of employers have caught an employee calling in sick with a fake excuse; 27 percent said they have fired a worker for calling in sick without a legitimate reason.

Forty-one percent of hiring managers said they have received unusual or suspicious sick-day alibis. When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers revealed some of their favorite alibis:

Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.
Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
Employee's mother was in jail.
A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
Employee had a bad case of hiccups.
Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.
Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
Employee was sad.

Richard Castellini is Vice President of Consumer Marketing at CareerBuilder.com. He is an expert in recruitment trends and tactics, job seeker behavior and workplace issues.

Do you have any fun excuses you've heard about (or probably given yourself :) to share?

African and Proud - Yes O!

2007-05-10T19:28:00.000-05:00

Here is a musical collaboration between Wyclef Jean, 2Face Idibia and Sound Sultan... in the midst of all our so-called troubles, the only thing we should not let anyone, not even the crooked politicians, take away from us is our pride in ourselves, our rich culture, in who we are as a people. We may not be at the promised land yet, but always remember that all these experiences we are going through currently are not unique to us, and like all things, it shall come to pass - it may not be at the pace we would like, but slowly but surely...

Enjoy.

Clash of Civilizations? Maybe not.

2007-05-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

With my sweetheart in business school, I got to take part in a number of discourses about organizational behaviour, business relations, financial accounting, in addition to the various parties and get-togethers with the interesting group that makes up his class.

Also, I had the opportunitiy to sit in on a class discussion with one of his professors, talking about Huntington's "Clash of Civilizations" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clash_of_civilizations). There were different nationalities at that table: Spanish (from Spain), Spanish (from Columbia), Indian, Chinese, American (as in United States), and Nigerian (of course). Each one of us shared our unique experiences and backgrounds, and it was very interesting to hear their different perspectives on the topic. The summary was that the so-called clash of civilizations is not a real global phenomenon, but a perceived one by those who don't understand the underlying dynamics of societies other than their own.

At the end of this discussion, my fiance and I were encouraged to make a contribution to the class discussion forum of our perspective as Nigerians (Africans). I have included our piece below. As usual, any comments / questions are welcome.

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A civilization, as defined by Huntington, is the highest cultural grouping of people and the broadest level of cultural identity people have. However, as homogenous as Africa appears to people to the world, it is not quite that.

The African continent consists of 54 different countries, dozens of religions, and at least 500 fundamentally different languages and cultures. Nigeria, our home country, is made up of about 250 different languages and cultures (ethnic groups), and about a dozen different religions (Islam and Christianity are the dominant religions making up about 92% of the population. The northern region of the country is predominantly Muslim, the south-eastern region is predominantly Christian, while the south-western region is a mix of Islam and Christianity). These cultures and languages are so fundamentally different that if someone from an ethnic group different from ours speaks their language, he/she could be speaking Greek for all we know. Different ideologies, different reference points, and so many other fundamental differences characterize the diversity of the Nigerian people. This type of true diversity is prevalent across the continent. Hence, to speak of an African civilization based on culture is to speak of the Tower of Babel. An African civilization based on common goals, common enemies or economic gains is more probable.

Why civilizations are not likely to clash
Civilizations seem to be a result of a people/nation becoming comfortable with who they are (not feeling oppressed) and then moving on to form relationships with other nations with similar "orientations" to evolve into a civilization. I believe that as people continue to identify with who they are, there will be cultural/ideological/religious clashes between groups; eventually animosity would probably cease to exist when there is some sort of mutual respect - economic or political "equality" - between groups. --- hopefully :)

Democracy vs Dictatorship

2007-05-10T10:45:00.000-05:00

A funny take, but with some truth...

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The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting. - Charles Bukowski

2007-05-06T10:54:00.001-05:00

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong. -- William J. H. Boetcker

2007-05-05T23:35:00.001-05:00

Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. -- Harvey Fierstein

Making a Profit While Helping the Poor

2007-05-03T21:29:00.000-05:00

For those of us interested in philanthropy and giving back to society (which should be all of us :), this is a very interesting read... a very good example of how we need to change the way things are done if the existing way of doing things is not getting the job done.

Please share your comments about this article - Do you think it's too idealistic? Can this be implemented in our respective societies? Has this article helped generate other ideas?

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Sunday, April 29, 2007 - 12:00 AM

By Kristi HeimSeattle Times business reporter

During a recent visit to the U.S. from India, Vikram Akula walked into a downtown restaurant to talk to a group of well-heeled Seattle philanthropists about how they could help end poverty.
Confident and articulate, he held a microphone and paced in front of the crowd like a talk-show host.

As one of the new mavericks bringing banking to the poor, Akula didn't mention Mother Teresa, the World Bank or the U.N. His guiding lights are Starbucks, Coke and McDonald's.
"My single goal is to eradicate poverty," he said. "The best way to do that is to apply a business model."

SKS Microfinance, which Akula started in 1988, connects opposite ends of the global economy: poor women in India looking for loans to expand their tiny businesses with wealthy investors in the U.S. who are hoping to make a 20 percent profit.

The traditional system of loans to the poor by aid groups, known as "microfinance," relies mostly on charitable donations.

For the whole article, go to http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/businesstechnology/2003685867_philanthropy29.html

Kristi Heim: 206-464-2718 or kheim@seattletimes.com

Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company

2007-05-02T18:04:00.001-05:00

"It doesn't matter how you come to it... just that you do: Finally recognize that no one is responsible for your life but you." -- Oprah Winfrey

Why is Pork Forbidden in Islam?

2007-05-02T08:15:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent me this conversation transcript, and I hope it enlightens you the way it enlightened me (BTW, 'Yunus' is the original form of my last name, and it is the Arabic for "Jonah," yes, the Prophet who was in the belly of the whale for 3 days and 3 nights... We are masters in the art of sleeping in my family :). Feel free to make comments, ask questions.

Bob:
Tell me why is it that a Muslim is very particular about the words Halaal and Haraam; what do they mean?

Yunus:
That which is permissible is termed Halaal and that which i not permissible is termed Haraam and it is the Quran which draws the distinction between the two.

Bob:
Can you give me an example?

Yunus:
Yes, Islam has prohibited blood of any type. You will agree that a chemical analysis of blood shows that it contains an abundance of uric acid, a chemical substance which can be injurious to human health.

Bob:
You're right about the toxic nature of uric acid, in the human being it is excreted as a waste product and in fact we are told that 98% of the body's uric acid is extracted from the blood by the kidneys and removed through urination.

Yunus:
Now I think that you'll appreciate the special prescribed method of animal slaughter in Islam.

Bob:
What do you mean?

Yunus:
You see, the wielder of the knife, whilst taking the name of the 'Almighty', makes an incision through the jugular veins, leaving all other veins and organs intact.

Bob:
I see, this causes the death of the animal by a total loss of blood from the body, rather than an injury to any vital organ.

Yunus:
Yes, were the organs, example the heart, the liver, or the brain crippled or damaged, the animal could die immediately and its blood would congeal in its veins and would eventually permeate the flesh. This implies that the animal flesh would be permeated and contaminated with uric acid and therefore very poisonous; only today did our dietitians realize such a thing.

Bob:
Again, while on the topic of food; Why do muslims condemn the eating of pork or ham or any foods related to pigs or swine.

Yunus:
Actually, apart from the Qur'an prohibiting the consumption of pork, bacon (pig flesh); in fact the Bible too in Leviticus chapter 11, verse 8, regarding swine it says, "of their flesh (of the swine another name for pig) shall you not eat, and of their carcass you shall not
touch; they are 'unclean to you.'"

Further, did you know that a pig cannot be slaughtered at the neck for it does not have a neck; that is according to its natural anatomy. A Muslim reasons that if the pig was to be slaughtered and fit for human consumption the Creator would have provided it with a neck.

Nonetheless, all that aside, I am sure you are well informed about the harmful effects of the consumption of pork, in any form, be it pork chops, ham, bacon.

Bob:
The medical science finds that there is a risk for various diseases as the pig is found to be a host for many parasites and potential diseases.

Yunus:
Yes, even apart from that, as we talked about uric acid content in the blood, it is important to note that the pig's biochemistry excretes only 2% of its total uric acid content, the remaining 98% remains as an integral part of the body.

Life, Success & Progress...

2007-05-01T16:36:00.000-05:00

Hmmm... It has been a looooonnngggg time! The last 14 or so months have been very eventful, and thanks to the Almighty, have gotten me closer and closer to where I think I should be :). It's been an interesting journey, which is far from over.

Since my last blog post I have gone through an interesting spring internship (Jan - Apr '06), graduated with a Masters degree (Summa Cum Laude, http://tinyurl.com/2uwj4l), started a full-time relationship with the bank I interned with, as an Interest Rate Derivatives Associate (https://www.key.com/html/J-2.11.c.html), got featured as a Cleveland Brain Gain (http://tinyurl.com/3c2ky6), also featured on my alma mater's Alumni Spotlight section (http://tinyurl.com/3ys7od), got myself my first set of wheels ever (http://tinyurl.com/2olphj, mine is blue though :), passed the 1st of 3 CFA exams (http://www.cfainstitute.org/cfaprog), and worked my way to a pay raise and modest bonus at the end of my first 8 months... still waiting for the promotion :D.

Friends and family are also experiencing progress on different levels. In the same time frame, I had the good fortune of experiencing Goizueta Business School's 1-year MBA program through my fiance (http://www.goizueta.emory.edu, pronounced "Goi-zoo-eh-tah"). Through him, my international connection has grown :D. Also, he secured a job offer with Ernst & Young (www.ey.com) before the end of his second of three semesters! Hmm... talk about a high-quality candidate :). He wrote his last paper today - whew!

My Dad is now the CEO of Dunlop Nigeria, PLC (http://www.dunlopng.com) and Chairman of Pamol (Nigeria) Ltd (http://www.dunlopng.com/sub.html). My beloved mum continues to save the world (www.ilo.org). My dear step-mum has fulfilled her dream of being an employer of labor rather than be an employee - her pharmacy, called Hale & Hearty, should be open to the public by the end of the third quarter of 2007 (in the mean time, let us know if you need to have medical supplies delivered :). My favorite uncle is now the CEO of UBA Asset Management (http://www.ubaassetmanagement.com). One of my cousins was selected to go through an international rotational program with his employer (www.citigroup.com, http://tinyurl.com/2ccw6s).

Quite a number of friends and their families have experienced true progress in one form or the other - marriage, children, successful business ventures, promotions, recognition for a job well done, completion of degree programs, new jobs, recovery from illness ... I can go on and on.

Some may think I am being proud and boastful, but the truth is very from that. I am simply counting the numerous blessings the good Lord has made it possible for me and my loved ones to experience. I am also showcasing the result of hardwork, patience, perseverence, discipline, keeping true to ones self, and doing the right thing irrespective what anyone else may think or say.

The last 16 months wasn't without it's share of lessons learnt, shocks and surprises, disappointments, and episodes of outright disbelief! I'll try recount some of those experiences over the next couple of blog posts, hopefully someone will be able to identify with them, and others will learn a thing or two. Bottom line:

Human beings are the same wherever you go - the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly (both on the inside and the outside). And that hydra-headed monster called office politics is alive and well and thriving in the environments that feed it - expect a story about that.
You never know who is going to be the answer to your prayer(s), so make it a point to treat every one you meet with the utmost respect and regard, irrespective of status, position, or whether you think the person can be useful to you or not.
Life is for the living - whenever you are faced with disappointments, hurdles or obstacles, take a step back, evaluate the situation, acknowledge where you personally helped contribute to the situation, learn from your mistakes, lick your wounds, AND MOVE ON!

Now to the questions to be pondered on:

What is the definition of success?
Is it impossible to achieve success without doing so at the expense of others?
Can an individual be taught how to be resilient?
How do we help others see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel appears to be pitch black, and other people who have completely abandoned attempting to make progress through the tunnel appear to be "succeeding"?
For those of us who have been lucky enough to make some progress up the success ladder, what have we done to encourage, prod, or push the seemingly less fortunate ones around us up the ladder?

I would appreciate any comments, or even more questions... One of my life philosophies is that anyone who doesn't question life around him/her is not truly living life - hope that makes sense.

Until I ramble again...

2006-01-26T23:49:00.002-05:00

O ga! Talk about oge :-)

2006-01-26T23:49:00.001-05:00

Sheck me out! All decked up for the party :-)

2006-01-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

Me and my mama :-)

2006-01-26T23:47:00.000-05:00

Me and my little cousin - he's such a sweetheart... I hope he remains that way when he grows up :-)

Home sweet home…

2006-01-26T23:37:00.000-05:00

I traveled home (Lagos, Nigeria) in December 2005, my first trip back since I left 18 months before in August 2004. I was at a very low point, and all I wanted was to go home and swim and float in the love and joy that can only come from being with friends and family. It worked!

I particularly love food – not just any type of food, but the traditional foods that are so finger-licking tasty, one will be licking fingers long after the plate is empty :-). I made a long list before going home – nkwobi, afang, edikaikong, oha soup, miya n kuka, efo riro, bokoto and fresh fish pepper soup, ofada rice, moin moin elemi meje, jollof rice, smoked fish, fish and chicken suya, akara, ogi, amala with ewedu soup… I could go on and on… I ate them all :-)! If any of these items seem strange to you, then you are definitely not a Nigerian :-).

Going home was not all about food :-)… A lot of things had changed, and yet nothing had changed. I was able to view my home land through different eyes; to appreciate the things we should proud of, like our sense of family and community, like our wonderful sense of humor and our ability to laugh at ourselves – a lot of people I have met outside the country actually lack this ability and hence take life a bit too seriously. And our parties? No one can take that away from us… not even the Americans :-). But I also saw the areas that we have unfortunately come to accept as normal ways of life: our lowered value for life, our unwillingness to work for our pay – always trying to cut corners, our lack of a service culture in most facets of our lives – I wonder why some of us think that their self worth is diminished by being courteous to other people.

I had many discussions with friends and family about what differentiates us as a people and a society from these so-called western nations – we have about the same proportion of good, bad, ugly, stupid, smart, dubious, angry, happy people as there are in any other country of the world. Yet we seem to have truly succeeded in yanking ourselves back from getting on to the development train. Could it be that we have been so battered by military rule that we have lost our sense of self preservation? I don’t understand why a driver would willingly face an on-coming vehicle in the name of overtaking the vehicle in front of him – I consider that to be a suicidal action! How can we gain what we have taken away from ourselves over the last 3 or 4 decades? What do we do if the leadership we wish for does not materialize? Do we continue to go down hill?

Ok… enough of the philosophies and questions… I could go on and on. Nigeria and Nigerians are not a sorry lot – we have lots of stars who manage to make it through some of the worst situations and come out tops. I visited the Silverbird Galleria for the first time ever (with my fiancé), and I was impressed with the interior and the standard of the movie theaters, comparable with any movie theater in the world. But I was disappointed that more wasn’t done to ease parking for visitors to the Galleria, considering how congested Victoria Island can be. O well… I’m not going to harp on the negatives any more. We had fun, after we were able to find a place to park :-).

I was able to meet with quite a number of friends, and it was interesting to see how each one of us has grown – some of us married, some of us on the way to the altar, some of us expecting our first kids, some of us already have a brood, some of us recently promoted in the work-place, some of us are our own bosses. I pray that wherever we go and whatever life throws our way, that we will remain happy and appreciative of the relationships we have with each other.

Now I’m back in school, my final semester. I also started a new job last week – I hope it’ll be a lot of fun :-).

As usual, I have rambled :-)… till I do that again…

2005-11-23T00:07:00.000-05:00

There is definitely a lot to be happy about :-)

Variety is the spice of life

2005-11-22T23:51:00.000-05:00

My life is all within a 2km (i.e. about 1.25miles for my American folks :-) radius – from home to school and back… Everything that happens to me is in one of those places. I wake up in the morning, take my bath, go to school – a 3-minute walk – work there for some hours, attend some classes, and then I’m back home in the evening. What a boring life!

What would I do differently if I had the chance? Go visit interesting parts of the city perhaps (a car of my own would definitely help), hang out with friends that are not in the same cycle I’m in (I don’t know any such people in this city :-)… some variety in this boring and hectic cycle I’m in.

My chance seems to have come though – I’ll be traveling to spend the Thanksgiving holidays with family! Yippee! Finally I’ll get to eat correct efo riro and pounded yam with all the required orisirisi inside :-), amongst other “wonderful” things. I’ll make the most of the break and really rest, and hopefully come back very well charged and ready to take on the challenges of my boring cycle for the next 3 weeks of school.

Variety is definitely the spice of life…

Many questions... Any answers?

2005-11-21T21:41:00.000-05:00

Hmm... I know some people will think I am crazy, but I miss home a lot now more than ever. A lot of my fellow Nigerians would wonder what there is to miss in that land of ours, but I have come to realize that there is truly no place like home, and home is where the heart is.

I read about the happenings in my country, and I wonder what it will take for us to get our collective act together... What will it take to turn things around? My fiancé gave this analogy - "the dirt that has piled up over 30 years on a kitchen counter cannot be cleaned off in a day, even with the most powerful antiseptic/cleansing detergents... it will take a lot of persistence and patience to get the kitchen counter gleaming again" - and I add that you might even have to replace the kitchen counter cos it might be impossible to get it as clean as it should be.

Does this mean our case is hopeless? We can't buy a new Nigeria... we can only repair the one we have. Sometimes it is cheaper to replace than repair, but what do you do when repairing is the only option, like is our situation now?

I know all these questions have been asked over and over, and I ask yet again - what can be done? It is whispered that our country is governed by idiots, but how do we get rid of them and ensure that the right visionary and selfless people get there? How do we ensure that their best intentions are not sabotaged by the individuals that are to help implement their strategies? How can the collective consciousness of over 125million people from over 250 fundamentally different tribes be harnessed towards the single goal of creating a better Nigeria?

Ok... I think I'll stop asking the questions and try come up with some actionable answers. I do have one answer already though - I will continue to maintain the traits I believe are reflective of a good human being:

honesty

respect for all people (never do unto others what you don't what them to do to you)

integrity

professionalism (anything worth doing at all is worth doing well)

high ethical/moral standards (always do what is right, even if no one else does)

Some would say this is easy for me to do because I am not starving, and it won't change anything anyway... but I say that my prayer is that I be able to maintain these standards whether or not I have food on my table, and it definitely makes a difference as I go about influencing the people within my circle of influence to do the same. It is a slow process, but it is a process definitely worth starting.

Until I ramble again...

2005-11-21T21:19:00.000-05:00

"Look into my eyes and tell me what you see :-)"

Where Do I Start?

2005-10-03T11:56:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine reminded me that I had a blog space in cyberspace - I decided to start recording events for posterity :-).

Lately I have been doing a lot of reflection on who I am, how I come across to other people, whether my opinions are the right ones, whether my view of life is realistic, etc... The last one year has provided me with the opportunity to interact with people from different parts of the world, and each and every one of them has a set of beliefs they hold on to really tightly.

Let's see how this blogging thing goes :-)