Harsh Evaluations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or appraisal - just remember it could be worse.

The quotes below are supposedly from the USA Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluation Records; enjoy.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him some time."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a singpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."


!!!OUCH!!!

Gifts: Form vs Substance

"The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift." -- Pierre Corneille (1606-1684) French Playwright

Attitude

"Some people say I have attitude - maybe I do. But I think you have to. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does - that makes you a winner right there." -- Venus Williams US tennis champion

Economic Crisis

A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month the global market crises has affected me, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Your loving husband, B

 

His wife replied...

Sweetheart Dearest,

Thanks for the 100 kisses, below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect us only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the*//*rent

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items hope you understand.

5. Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance... Shall I plan the same for next month? Please Advice!!!

Your Sweet Heart,

HOME INTERNAL MEMO

FROM :        FATHER

TO :        ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES

CC :         MOTHER

 

Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

2.  Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

3.  Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted.  Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietician's report.

4.  Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered.  No lawns or flowers shall receive water.  For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5.  Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

6.  All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7.  No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

8.  No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the house.

9.  Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the house, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment   somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town head
, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes.  Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.

 

      THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

 

Signed: DAD

Chairman of Home Affairs

 

{ Thanks Fati J }

Dreams

"A lot of dreams don't come true in life. If you can make somebody's dream come true, you should." -- Jameer Nelson

Being Thankful

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives. " -- Dan Zadra

Associates and Associations

"The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.  Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.  An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.  As you grow, your associates will change.  Some of your friends will not want you to go on.  They will want you to stay where they are.  Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl.  Your friends will stretch your vision or choke, your dream.  Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.  Consider this:  Never receive counsel from unproductive people.  Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.  Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.  You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.  Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere." -- Colin Powell

Persistence, Excellence

"Persistence is the twin sister of Excellence. One is a matter of quality, the other a matter of time." -- Marahel Morgan, US authour of self-help books

Character

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that's right to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught." -- JC Watts, African-American football player and politician; born 1957

Real Service

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. -- Donald A. Adams

Class

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared.

 

It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life.

 

-- Ann Landers, born 1918

reBlog from column.loomnie.com: Anthropologically Speaking

I found this fascinating quote today:

My friend pointed out that this was due to a very important element of the Yoruba traditional religious system, something that Yoruba people have managed to carry on to when they adopted Christianity and Islam. In the Yoruba traditional religious system, one could have each member of the same family worshipping a different god, without any person persecuting, or even trying to convert another. That, my friend said, was a great indication of tolerance. It, my friend continued, informed why the man we met at the bank still gave presents to the members of his family who were still Muslims, during an Islamic ceremony.column.loomnie.com, Anthropologically Speaking, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.

Understanding

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary (sustenance) depends on his not understanding it." -- Upton Sinclair

ISÉ NI ÒÒGÙN ÌSÉ (Work is the antidote for poverty)

(I'm not the original author, received via email from a friend)

MÚRA SÍ ISÉ RE ÒRÉÈ MI....Work hard, my friend

 

ISÉ NI A FI Í DI ENI GIGA....work is used to elevate one in respect and importance (Aspiring to higher heights is fully dependent on hard work)

 

BÍ A KÒ BÁ RÉNI FÈYÌN TÌ, BÍ ÒLE LÀ Á RÍ....if we do not have anyone to lean on, we appear indolent

 

BÍ A KO RÉNI GBÉKÈLÉ, À A TERA MÓ ISÉ ENI....if we do not have anyone to trust (we can depend on...), we simply work harder

 

ÌYÁ RE LÈ LÓWÓ LÓWÓ, BÀBÁ SÌ LÈ LÉSIN LÉÈKÀN....your mother may be wealthy, your father may have a ranch full of horses
BÍ O BÁ GBÓJÚ LÉ WON, O TÉ TÁN NI MO SO FÚN O....if you depend on their riches alone, you may end up in disgrace, I tell you

OHUN TÍ A KÒ BA JÌYÀ FÚN, KÌ Í LÈ TÓJÓ....whatever gain one does not work hard to earn usually does not last
OHUN TÍ A BÁ FARA SISÉ FÚN, NÍ Í PÉ LÓWÓ ENI....whatever gain one works hard to earn is the one that lasts in one's hands (while in ones possession)

 

APÁ LARÁ, ÌGÙNPÁ NÌYEKAN....the arm is a relative, the elbow is a sibling

 

BÍ AYÉ N FÉ O LÓNÌÍ. BÍ O BÁ LÓWÓ LÓWÓ NI WON Á MÁA FÉ O LÓLA....you may be loved by all today. it is when you have money that they will love you tomorrow
TÀBÍ TÍ O BÁ WÀ NÍ IPÒ , AYÉ Á YÉ O SÍ TÈRÍN-TÈRÍN....or when you are in a high position, all will honor you with cheers and smiles
JÉ KÍ O DI ENI N RÁÁGÓ KÍ O RÍ BÁYÉ TI Í SÍMÚ SÍ O....wait till you become poor or are struggling to get by and you will see how all grimace at you as they pass you by

 

ÈKÓ SÌ TÚN N SONI Í DÒGÁ; MÚRA KÍ O KÓ O DÁRADÁRA....education also elevates one in position; work hard to acquire good education
BÍ O SÌ RÍ ÒPÒ ÈNÌYÀN TÍ WÓN N FI ÈKÓ SE ÈRÍN RÍN, DÁKUN MÁ SE FARA WÉ WON - ÌYÀ N BÒ FÓMO TÍ KÒ GBÓN....and if you see a lot of people making education a laughing stock, please do not emulate or keep their company - suffering is lying in wait for an unserious kid

 

EKÚN N BE FÓMO TÓ N SÁ KIR....sorrow is in the reserve for a truant kid
MÁ FÒWÚRÒ SERÉ, ÒRÉÈ MI, MÚRA SÍSÉ, OJÓ N LO....do not play with your early years, my friend, work harder, time and tide wait for no one

Courage

"Courage is the greatest of all the virtues. Because if you haven't courage, you may not have an opportunity to use any of the others." -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English Author

ÌGBÁ'TÍ ÉRE (for my Yoruba peops :-)

(Received this and couldn't help telling it again :-)

Ni ojo kan , Baba Dare mu ere wa s'ile. Ere yi se pataki nitoriwipe o mo bi enia ba n pa'ro a si gba oluware l'eti.

Dare pada l'ati ile iwe, baba re si bere l'owo re idi t'o fi pe l'ati de'le.

Kaka ki o so otito, o ni awon nse'se asekun ni ile iwe ni.

Lai fi akoko s'ofo, ere yi gba Dare l'eti.

Baba re ran l'eti wipe ere yi se pataki o si mo bi enia ba n pa'ro a si gba onitohun l'eti.

Baba Dare: "Oya, so otito idi t'o fi pe de'le."

Dare: "Ba'mi, mo lo wo sinima ni."

Baba Dare: "Sinima wo?"

Dare: "Ofin mewa."

Lesekanna, Dare gba igba'ti oloyi.

Dare: "E da'rijimi ba'mi, mo lo wo sinima ibasepo aya oba."

Baba Dare: "O ye k'oju ti e iwo omo mi. N'igba ti mo wa ni ojo ori re emi o se awon nkan palapala wonyi".

L'oju ese, Baba Dare gba igba'ti l'owo ere.

Bi iya Dare ti gbo ohun ti oko re so, o jade wa l'ati ile ida'na, o si dahun pelu egan wipe, "sebi omo re ni Dare!!!!"

L'esekanna, ere yi sunmo iya Dare osi fun ni igbati oloyi.

Do Good Today

"The cynics will tell you that the good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. I'm telling you, do it anyway." -- Roberto C. Goizueta

True Leadership

"A true leader is firm and fair, not subject to flattery, not subject to intimidation." -- MJ

Life Style or Lip Service?

"You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips." -- Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774) Irish Writer