Circumstances...

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright

Customer Complaints :-)

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

Marriage Ties

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together thru the yrs." -- Simone Signoret

Education

‎"The objective of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives." -- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Enjoy What You Do

"If you do not enjoy what you are doing, you will never be good at it." -- Luke Parker

End of Hiatus?

It has definitely been a while...  And a lot has happened in the last 12 months too...  Hope to be able to get back in the groove and keep a relatively more consistent flow.  Lots of stories to tell...  Hope to not keep you, and especially me, waiting too long.

Life is an Echo

"O Mankind! If you are blessed learn to be grateful; If you are denied learn to be patient; If you are cheated learn to overlook it; If you are offended learn to forgive. Remember to always share the goodness in ur heart because, LIFE is an echo that gives back what it receives." -  source unknown

Submission in Marriage

I was chatting with a group of ladies on the issue of a woman's submissiveness in the institution of marriage. Below are some of the comments I made:

If a woman doesn't get this right before entering the marriage, e go hard o... My Dad always told me to be sure of the mate I would be settling with because by agreeing to make a man my husband, I was indirectly telling God to appoint the man as my leader, to become my father, brother, etc... So I had better make sure the man is worthy of that role, and my submission, before making the plunge.Once one makes the commitment, the submission becomes a requirement o... My understanding of submission is acknowledging who has the final say / word... A woman submitting to her husband means, in the event she is not able to convince her husby / man of an alternate course of action, she has to agree with the course he chooses.Which is where trust comes in... It's almost impossible to submissive, if you don't trust the person you're submitting to. But in being submissive, you still have a voice, you still have to make contributions. We are submissive to our bosses @ work on a daily - we make our contributions, he / she (boss) may roll with it or not, we no go vex na... We'll go ahead and implement whatever their final decision is, and maybe learn a thing or 2 from that. If we can give that to our bosses each day, our husbands deserve no less... We are not / should not be in competition with them... Let's do our bit, and we will very likely get the reward. God has tipped the balance so, anyone got an issue with that should take it up with Him :).

Harsh Evaluations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or appraisal - just remember it could be worse.

The quotes below are supposedly from the USA Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluation Records; enjoy.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him some time."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a singpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."


!!!OUCH!!!

Gifts: Form vs Substance

"The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift." -- Pierre Corneille (1606-1684) French Playwright

Attitude

"Some people say I have attitude - maybe I do. But I think you have to. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does - that makes you a winner right there." -- Venus Williams US tennis champion

Economic Crisis

A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month the global market crises has affected me, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Your loving husband, B

 

His wife replied...

Sweetheart Dearest,

Thanks for the 100 kisses, below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect us only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the*//*rent

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items hope you understand.

5. Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance... Shall I plan the same for next month? Please Advice!!!

Your Sweet Heart,

HOME INTERNAL MEMO

FROM :        FATHER

TO :        ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES

CC :         MOTHER

 

Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

2.  Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

3.  Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted.  Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietician's report.

4.  Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered.  No lawns or flowers shall receive water.  For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5.  Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

6.  All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7.  No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

8.  No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the house.

9.  Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the house, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment   somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town head
, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes.  Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.

 

      THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

 

Signed: DAD

Chairman of Home Affairs

 

{ Thanks Fati J }

Dreams

"A lot of dreams don't come true in life. If you can make somebody's dream come true, you should." -- Jameer Nelson

Being Thankful

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives. " -- Dan Zadra

Associates and Associations

"The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.  Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.  An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.  As you grow, your associates will change.  Some of your friends will not want you to go on.  They will want you to stay where they are.  Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl.  Your friends will stretch your vision or choke, your dream.  Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.  Consider this:  Never receive counsel from unproductive people.  Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.  Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.  You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.  Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere." -- Colin Powell

Persistence, Excellence

"Persistence is the twin sister of Excellence. One is a matter of quality, the other a matter of time." -- Marahel Morgan, US authour of self-help books

Character

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that's right to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught." -- JC Watts, African-American football player and politician; born 1957

Real Service

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. -- Donald A. Adams

Class

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared.

 

It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life.

 

-- Ann Landers, born 1918